I have a problem with trying to do too many things. This, of course, stems from my having a lot of responsibilities in my life, plus the fact that I want to do everything equally well — and not equally half-assed, either: equally THE BEST.
Because of this, I have often found myself in high stress situations where I don’t know where to begin. After [finally] taking the LSAT on Monday and not having a class this summer (the one I was enrolled in was canceled), I should not be faced with such stress — right?
Who am I kidding.
I still have so many roles to fill and things to do that as soon as I finished that test, my mind was filled with countless other worries. Leave it to me to find something to obsess over.
Lately, in attempts to downsize that stress, I’ve been trying to categorize my days in terms of what I will get done. But, that’s not really working. For example, this morning, after a couple hours of pure worry and contemplation that resulted in nothing being accomplished, I said to myself, OK, today I will focus on my new position with Amnesty and working on my thesis. Simple enough, right? Two things easily taken care of after work.
Except that’s not exactly how it went. As soon as I decided that, I had creeping thoughts of: …but really, I should also go to the store today, maybe, don’t know if I’ll find a better day…and I really should work on that column I was thinking about…plus I want to try to contribute to a couple other places, I should write that stuff today…and my apartment really needs a thorough cleaning…and I can’t forget to look up those recipes so I can make something for the picnic Friday…and I really need to go to the rec!…
See what I mean? I can’t even let myself organize my life properly.
Why are humans programmed to worry so much? I know I’m not the only one who does this. I’m sure it has something to do with how biologically we are not completely adapted to this American lifestyle, blah blah blah… but honestly, do I have to just consent to living like this? For a couple days there before the LSAT, I was so happy and was enjoying my life. I had this huge, scary test looming over me, yet I still managed to push my worries aside and enjoy myself — mainly because I knew that was the only thing I absolutely had to think about, and everything else could come later.
Obviously I can’t exist in a state of perpetual procrastination. But, I can keep telling myself that not everything is so urgent. If I focus on one thing and get it out of the way, I’ll feel much better when I move to tackle the next thing.
Yes, this is stuff they teach us at a really young age. Somewhere I lost that common sense. But taking things one step at a time is not as easy as just saying it. I’m going to have to actually do it. Otherwise, I won’t have any time this summer to actually learn things about myself (since, honestly, most things about myself are a complete mystery to me, even if my friends have me completely figured out).
Let’s see how this goes.
Today: yes, I’ll go to the rec. But then it really is just Amnesty (emails and catching up only) and my thesis. And that’s it. No other worries. Can I do it?