I have a lot of concerns. Things that cause anxiety. Things that keep me up at night (though actually, despite everything that should indicate I have trouble sleeping, I am only kept up worrying very rarely because I fall asleep fast and sleep like a rock. This itself concerns me).
My friend posted this, and not only did I identify with pretty much the entire list (the words “pretty much” don’t really need to be there), it made me want to create my own list, just for kicks and giggles.
Then I started getting very anxious about creating this list. I couldn’t possibly accurately cover my concerns at one time, couldn’t think of them all, and I certainly couldn’t make them seem interesting enough to be worth reading, but then of course no one is reading this anyway, but then again I am posting it on the Internet so I shouldn’t include anything extremely embarrassing, but oh so many of these things are…
I think we’ve realized here, together, that I’ve got more to worry about than making a similar list.
But I’m determined to prove I’m in the ranks of the anxious, so today I will share a few concerns:
1- When I go to a new place to eat and I’m alone, I suddenly get very nervous about how it “works” there, like where I go to order my lunch, how long the typical wait is and when I should start getting concerned that they forgot to fill my order, if I’m waiting in the right location, why I got a funny look when I said no tomatoes… then by the time I get my food, I just want to get out of there and I don’t check to make sure everything’s right and thus don’t know they forgot my bread until I get back to the office or home and dammit don’t deprive me of carbs.
2- When I volunteer to use my computer for something that suddenly will require public view of the screen, or worse when someone asks out of the blue to use it, and I have too many windows open and haven’t check to make sure nothing embarrassing is open, like a google search for how to cook something everyone knows how to prepare or the Wikipedia page for a person everyone knows things about and whom I should not have had to look up.
3- When I have to make small talk with a salesperson or clerk and psych myself out about it and then behave awkwardly.
4- When my friends tell me that the weird quirks I have and the bizarre things I do (such as making this list) are “cute” because I KNOW THEY ARE LYING TO ME but they’re so sweet about it so it’s OK. But I still worry about it.
This is just a mere taste of the endless stress-inducing thoughts inside my head. And no, seeing how silly they are after putting them in writing hasn’t made me realize they are things I shouldn’t even think about. I’m still going to think about them.