I can’t believe the number of amazing things I have reason to be thankful for right now. Never before have I been so filled with gratitude and with such lightness. And if ever in the future I start to take these blessings for granted or fall into self pity, I want to go back to these things so I remember just how lucky I am:
- I feel better. I feel better than I have in months. I was run down for much of the spring semester, and I remember in mid-April when I started having breathing trouble. It was just before our Law Revue, and I was so embarrassed that I suddenly was having trouble making it through dance numbers without getting winded at the end – at some rehearsals I couldn’t finish singing. Why was my asthma acting up? I wasn’t that out of shape! But it wasn’t my asthma. By graduation in May, my chest hurt just breathing normally, and I would be out of breath after walking a block. And I couldn’t eat normally for quite a while. One long day of Law Revue rehearsal, all I could eat was half a box of saltine crackers. Now? I feel like a normal person again. Normal! I can breathe! I can eat! This is huge! To go from being so physically affected by the cancer to feeling good makes me so happy and grateful. It really feels like this amazing treatment is working wonders already.
- I get to move into a really great new apartment in a couple weeks. It was getting a little nerve-racking trying to find somewhere to live with a whole bunch of other things going on, but I found a great place on Roosevelt Island. It’s really perfect, and I’m so excited to get there.
- I get to study for the bar! And now all my law school friends are going to stop reading. Really, though, I’m so happy that I actually have felt like studying the past couple weeks. I’m very behind everyone else, so who knows what will happen next week. But thank goodness I can study now, and thank goodness I get to take the exam.
- My family is the best. They have done absolutely everything to help me the past couple of months – unsurprisingly, because that’s just what they always do. How lucky I am to have them. My parents and my brother have been up to New York a bunch to take care of me. My mom has spent more time here than at her own home this summer, and she has done everything possible for me. She is amazing.
- I’ve had such loving support from friends and family everywhere. Every single message, card, gift, prayer, and warm thought has meant so, so much to me. You are all such wonderful and kind people. I’m so thankful for each and every one of you. Thank you!
- I have health insurance. When I saw the actual cost of my treatment drugs compared to my very small co-pay for each shipment of pills, I was floored. I am so privileged to have good insurance and affordable access to good care. Many are not so lucky.
- I have the time to take naps. I got radiation on Wednesday, which went great, but it makes me very tired at times. Luckily, I’m just studying on my own schedule, so although I’m keeping busy, I’m in a position right now where I have the flexibility to rest during the day if I need to.
- I have a great new job to look forward to in September. I get to work with really great people doing what I have always wanted to do. I’m so looking forward to being at the office again and having a normal routine.
- I get to keep my hair. I’m going to have some temporary hair loss from radiation, but only in one spot, and it may not even be that noticeable. Even if it is, I’m pretty good at rocking a hat. But how lucky that I get to keep most of my hair. What a blessing that the side effects of my treatments are relatively mild.
- I live in a beautiful city. New York is so special, unique, interesting, fun, and rewarding. I am at the center of so much action here, so much so that it’s fun to just be and watch everything happening around me.
- I have some of the best doctors in the world. I’m so, so fortunate to be at Sloan Kettering under the care of brilliant and compassionate doctors and nurses. I really feel like I was at the right place at the right time for this.
- I have witnessed the manifestations of prayers so many times. I’ve gotten many nice messages that people have been praying, and I want those people to know that their prayers are working. I feel physically lighter and so positive, and there have been many interactions with strangers and serendipitous events that I know are the result of the positive energy flow. I believe in the good energy!
Living such a privileged life, I am lucky that every day there are so many things to feel happy about. It’s important to remember the good things.